Two looks at a train door
Same scene, other way · 25 minutes · Published
Read this first
Vronsky followed the guard to the carriage, and at the door of the compartment he stopped short to make room for a lady who was getting out. With the insight of a man of the world, from one glance at this lady’s appearance Vronsky classified her as belonging to the best society. He begged pardon, and was getting into the carriage, but felt he must glance at her once more; not that she was very beautiful, not on account of the elegance and modest grace which were apparent in her whole figure, but because in the expression of her charming face, as she passed close by him, there was something peculiarly caressing and soft. As he looked round, she too turned her head. Her shining gray eyes, that looked dark from the thick lashes, rested with friendly attention on his face, as though she were recognizing him, and then promptly turned away to the passing crowd, as though seeking someone.
Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina (1878). Translated by Constance Garnett, 1901. Project Gutenberg #1399
The prompt
A man stands aside at a carriage door to let a woman out, looks once, has to look again; she glances back as if she knew him, then turns to the crowd. Write the same thirty seconds from her side, or from the guard who sees both of them, in a mood the original does not use: bored, alarmed, amused. Keep every physical fact in place and change only the eyes.
Set a timer for 25 minutes.
Short version · 10 minutes
In ten minutes, write the guard's version of the two looks, one paragraph, bored.
The move
Same scene, other way. Keep the matter and change the manner: the same moment told through other eyes, in another mood, another register.
Tags: point of view, voice and structure.
In a group
A way to run it with a writing group:
Two sides and a judge. Two teams write on the same subject and the texts are read against each other. A judge decides round by round and gives reasons.
Where the page goes next
Scrin is a home where pages grow into books: you keep writing, from an untitled line to a chapter, and Scrin keeps the rest.